Confusing stress and emotions is one
of the most common reasons that clients seek my services. As a result, a vital aspect
of the work I do is to clarify the difference between managing stress and managing
emotions, and to show clients how confusing the two leads to unproductive behaviors.
What makes clarifying the difference
between managing stress and managing emotions so important?
Understanding the difference is the key to
Personal Empowerment
Stress is a tangible thing that
exists in the real world while emotions reside within us and are a subjective
response to stress. When people are unable to differentiate between stress and
emotions, they are confusing a cause with an effect.
While the stressful obstacles that we
encounter in life may be the cause of our distress, the obstacles we create by expressing
our emotions with unproductive behaviors are what affect our ability to achieve
our goals.
When we are unable to identify the effect of stress on our emotions, the consequent
behaviors go unrecognized and often become habituated, despite their
ineffectiveness. The subsequent sense of frustration and helplessness is what
often brings clients to my couch.
As a therapist, I shine a light on this
cause and effect relationship in a way that helps people find more productive ways to express their
emotions. While changing habituated behavior can be difficult, many of my
clients will attest that the rewards that come from doing the hard work are empowering and often life altering.
I want to instill in you the same
sense of empowerment that I instill in my clients. My want is the driving force
behind my role as a therapist, my work as an author, and the creation of this
blog. Helping others to feel less overwhelmed and more successful is my....
My intent is to share with you the
same skills I teach my clients and detail in my book. Each skill is designed to
manage stress by managing emotions. As
with any skill, the more you practice, the more proficient you will become in
managing stress.
Future posts will focus on a
particular skill and how you can use it to stop acting emotionally and start behaving
wisely; but right now, I’d like to lay the foundation that will
maximize the benefits derived from using my skills.
Thoughts vs. Feelings
In recent days, I've heard sportscasters ask basketball and hockey fans if they "feel like" their team is going to win. I want to shout, "You're asking them about their thoughts, not their feelings!"
So many of us use the words interchangeably, when the difference is actually quite profound.
Our thoughts impact our feelings
This implies that all feelings are the result of what we think about a situation. Sports fans who think their team will win, feel confident. Those who don't think their team has a snowball's chance in hell, feel deflated.
This week's objective is to
become mindful of the difference
between a thought and a feeling. Notice how people substitute the word feel for the word think.
Count the number of times friends, family, television personalities, etc. say “I
feel like…” to express a thought; when what they mean to say is “I think…”
If you want to become even more
mindful, try this:
When you hear someone say, “I feel
like…,” respond with, “No, that’s what you think and when you think that, how
do you feel?” I guarantee the answer will elicit some surprising reactions!
This exercise might seem simple, but
I cannot overstate its value. The more mindful you become of the difference
between thoughts and feelings, the more conscious you’ll be of how your
thoughts impact your feelings.
The
benefits derived from differentiating thoughts from feelings are the keystone
for increased Empowerment and Success
I thank you for making me a part of your trek
to a better life and look forward to reading your thoughts and feelings in the
comments section.
